things are going fine :) ... finally XD

Assalamualaikum and salam sejahtera :)

today mood baik sgt kan sbb x pernah2 nak bgun awal2 pg, arini bangun awal la sket... hahaha *awal la sgt kan... erm anyway, just nak cite sket je arini... xde mende nak tulis sgt pun... the truth is aku x tau nk describe aty aku skrg ni cmne... thats the thing...

hokeh! Everything is doing fine... and after all those emo moments everything good and happy come back around. And I guess thats just the life is... it spins like a wheel. I got terrific news ICAF 2012 since we got 2^nd place for theatre and first place among all =) bahagia sgt <3 go go go KOLEJ AMINUDDIN BAKI!!! u guys are awesome! STAB *seni teater aminuddin baki (I gave the name suggestion and we keep it till now) awwww! Thats the ICAF 2012 story...

Study? Doing fine than I have ever did in the last few months back. Guess it is more organise now that every other extra activities is done... weeee! So, I guess I will try to do better in finals and upcoming papers... I am not hoping for the perfections, and it is good enough if I can maintain my pointer last semester. I really do hope that I can... AMIN. Plus, I just found out which school I will be doing my pre-practicum at... and it is.... SMK SUNGAI PINANG PALEKBANG TUMPAT KELANTAN =) hehehe

so excited since I will be going to school just by walking everyday... eheh! That is if I leave early.. I sure hope I can do so. :-p so, this Ramadhan I will be staying at my mum's house, helping my sister to do things for her wedding on this 2^nd Eid, experience fasting month with them and make preparation 4 raya. Something I wanna do since a long time ago. This, will be the first fasting month I will be having with them.... *so teary eye. And also I will be busy skyping from a distance with my dear hubby that moment *opss? Erm... XD

This Eid is my first time fasting together with dear hubby (still fiance on this current moment) with his family, my family, our family... kalau last year puasa sorg2... thun ni puasa dah berdua... eventhough 2 weeks je sama2 coz sblm tu aku puase kat kelantan... jauh lg, asing2 mcm last year, time masing2 keje... *lgpn mase tu kan dok kapel je lg... :D but, raya tahun ni 1^st raya kat n9... raya sama2... then bru balik kelate for farah's wedding lak... huhuhu mcm x caya kan? How life has move on with us...

so thats all folks,... based on my tone, I guess boleh bce yg we are in a good condition rite now *coz I am not complaining... hehehe so another 28 days to go... seriously, ase nak pengsan skrg ni tahu? =) pray 4 the best,... AMIN

words are spinning in my head, dunno why i'm holding back...

Assalamualaikum and salam sejahtera...

Pouring my heart out on 3.50 am... soooo me! I can't stop these tears... I am soooo upset right now... really2 upset and I dunno what can I do to release it... so I wrote it as a way to let it out. Do you know the song entitled “key to my heart” by Jessica Jarrell.??? its a OST for The Back Up Plan... the one when J.Lo gets pregnant with a twin n fall in love with a farmer or the cheese maker * I can rephrase that... Anyway that song really describe my heart right now... Its just the way of me getting that feels out... ok for those who still don't know the song, here's the lyrics...

“boy you put me on the spot, I dunno what to say, but i'm trying anyway...

like my heart's gonna drop, my mind drift away, and I can't control the pain...

words are spinning in my head, dunno why i'm holding back...

I should juz tell you how i'm feeling..

but I dun wanna act a fool, dun wanna looked confuse,

if I let u know, about the way I feel, dunno what u gonna do...

so I keep it lock inside, and I imagine u were mine,

and i'm feeling u so close but yet so far...

you hold the key to my heart....

the more I brush it off, tell myself there's nothing at all,

deeper I fall...

and I imagine everyday, in thousands different way,

how u respond to what I say...

am I getting lost in my dreams? Are u unreachable to me?

Coz this butterflies just wont go away...

but if I never tell u then u'll never know,

and this secret is getting heavy to hold...

this is more than just a crushed...

so I may statter when I speak, and my knees will get a little weak,

but i've got nothing to lose and only u to gain...

tell me do u feel the same???”

then all the chorus repeat activity...

I dont like to hold it all inside... coz I have seen what it did to me before... I dun even know why should I be so upset... but I really am! I should not be mad or feel annoyed... but I did feel that right now! Really, seriously... :( I just dunno how to say it or to express it... I just don't... I wish it could settle just like that. Or blow in the thin air... so I wont feel this pain anymore...

everything doing just ok with everything else... but this? DISASTER! This is not what I am supposed to feel... but, yes, I am just a normal human... I can't help feeling offended and sensitive about some stuff... right? Sometimes our rational tell us different things and our heart are the opposite... I tried to be supportive...i really did... but somehow... in some times and moment...i just can't! I can't think of the relevant and sincere in what i'm doing...

feels like I am lost in a whole and I can't get out of it... its about priority... and I am not gonna lie, I am so dissapointed... truly are! from the bottom of my heart, deep inside... I seriously felt dissapointed... its hard to expain it in words, but,... I am hurt enough :(

but how do I??? 

Positive energy are flowing =)

Assalamualaikum and hye :)

Today is a good day... such a beautiful day actually. And I am saying this coz I woke up really early for the presentation I had in class this morning. And it was AWESOME!!! -except I have to wear all black as I am the devil! Eheh! *why do I like to make that exclamation nowadays? Such a mystery... anyway... back to the story,.. and everything went good...

As a normal human, we need to come to sense where we have to realise we need help... seriously! I knew I need help so I seek for one and find someone who can help me... after the session of it, I feel really relax, calm down, and sooo much better than before. Feeling quit good actually. And maybe this happened because I, myself also have been acting and behaving positively recently.

Its good to know that we have our own strength that make us wake and stand up from the weakness inside our self... deep down we are who we think we are... not who they want us to be =)

There are some ways that I have been suggested and actually I have thought about that once... I think I will go for it and follow the flow... and I think, everything will be fine after that... Insya Allah... tawakal and redha... =) just wish for the best. Amin.

And these 2 days, I kept thinking and remembering about him... omaigad! I miss him sooo much and it feels so good to got the text like I had this morning... =) tqsm for making me feel good <3 and...happy... now its left to many things more to be taken care of … right... *breathing for a while... 

Mak, Mek, Ibu, Mama, Mak :)

Assalamualaikum dan salam sejahtera...

sana sini org duk sibuk... Hari Ibu2...

aku teringat last year aku ade buat entry pasal hari ibu ni... as a dedication la kan...

However, tahun ni aku dpt tau sbnrnya HARAM celebrate Mother's Day... sure, mmg meraikan seorg ibu yg telah melahirkan kita tu x salah... cuma tarikhnya sahaja yg x kena...

rupanya hari ibu bg agama lain membawa maksud tuhan diorg and whatsoever...panjang sejarahnya and utk further information, sila google :) hehehe *wikipedia sudah...

true, boleh je nk bg hadiah kt ibu kite bile2 mase kan...x semestinya on hari ibu je kite nak appreciate mak kite... right? So why on specific date only? Sbb everyday can be mother's day...

show ur love to ur mother is not limited to special day only... :)

cerita pasal ibu... mak, mama, mummy, umi, mek,  and ape je korg pggil insan yg melahirkan korg aku pun nak citer pasal ni jgk...

As usual...

even sekarang keadaan aku kritikal sket on UB side... it doesn't stop me from remembering my late ma... even sekarang it doesn't hurt like it use to be... but it still hurts a lot when my dad says “*erm bia cite tergantung... she has done great job raising me... tanak cite coz sume bende dah lps and she is no longer here... biarlah tersimpan dalam hati sahaja kan...

Ya Allah, cucurilah rahmat keatas arwah 

Pn Hajah Rubyah Binti Hj Baharuddin

tempatkanlah dia bersama orang2 yg beriman dan yg Kau redhai... AMIN...

well,

move on to the next one...

my mek... Pn Hasnah Binti Samat

she is such a lovely person, kind hearted, 
and I am so proud of her

having her as a mother is such a bless...

I mean, die jenis yg x kesah dan x berkira dgn anak2..die sggup korbankan ape je utk anak2 die and die sgt pentingkan anak2 die dari diri die sendiri.

To tell the truth die mmg bg priority kt org lain and anak2 die banding utk diri die...

itu yg buat aku sgt kagum dgn insan yg melahirkan aku ni... sejak bulan 7 tahun lepas, aku akhirnya kembali ke pangkuan die setelah lama terpisah... 19 tahun to be exact...ketibaan aku disambut tangis sayu dan pilu serta gembira nya...

sungguh, aku terharu! Air mata menitis memikirkan...

itulah pelukan yg aku rindu selama ini...

itulah suara yg jadi igauan aku setiap masa...

pelukan itu yg buat aku lena sepanjang malam...

demi tuhan, kasih syg seorg ibu,... insan yg aku pggil mek, sungguh agung dan tidak ternilai...

walau aku bukan dijaga oleh beliau...

tetapi itu tidak menghalang beliau menyayangi dan mencintai anak nya ini...tiap suapan, sentuhan, pelukan dan titis kasih sygnya tidak ade tukar ganti bg ku...

dan pengorbanannya utkku sejak aku pulang memang jelas terlihat dan terpancar...dimata nya, aku adalah permata yg harus ditatang bagai myk yg penuh...

kini, beliau sibuk membantu dan menguruskan hal pernikahan dan perkahwinanku tidak lama lagi...

alangkah bangganya dirinya memikirkan anak gadisnya bakal menyandang gelaran baru tidak lama lagi...

*meme yo tok baco aku dok tulih gapo dale blog ko... dale fb ko... tp aku tok leh nok bayar gapo2 yo pernah wi ko aku... aku tok leh lagi nok balas jaso yo kat aku selamo ni... meme aku tok nafi ke, aku jupo yo pun baghu2 ni jah... tapi dale hati aku yo tetap tok leh diganti denge sapo2...* 
(ternganga x?) Anyway, sorry my kelantanese is quit shaggy sbb dah lama x guna kan... hehehe... 


so, mek mmg buat aku kagum sgt dgn die... she is my idol, as a good mum... kdg2 die akan membebel, sampai rase nak suruh die berhenti... hahaha tapi, once die berhenti mesti rindu nk dgr die bebel balik... sbb kami adik beradik semua tau, die bebel utk kebaikan kami...

aku cuma kesal... waktu hidupnya susah dan senang di waktu dulu, aku tiada disisi, tiada disampingnya melalui hari2 bahagia dan derita bersama2... itulah dia ibuku, yg sudah susah payah melahirkan aku dan kembarku Zahid pada 30 november 1991... 21 tahun yg lalu... aku sgt menyayanginya...

Ya Allah, semoga aku sempat membalas segala jasa baik ibuku yg sudah membawa aku ke dunia, yg dengan berat hatinya melepaskan aku kepada org lain demi kebajikanku supaya terjaga dan terpelihara dengan baik... sesungguhnya aku tidak pernah menyalahkan dirinya atas apa jua yg berlaku serta takdir dan suratan perjalanan hidup aku. Bagiku semua ini adalah takdir Allah S.W.T yg harus aku terima dgn pasrah dan redha...

Ya Allah semoga impian beliau dapat aku penuhi dan aku kabulkan dengan kemampuan ku... semoga terbalas jasa2 ibuku utkku,... semoga dia terus disisiku menemaniku dalam menghadapi hari2 yg penuh liku selepas ini...

Ya Allah,... panjangkanlah usia ibuku, berikanlah kesihatan buat dirinya... berikanlah kesejahteraan utknya... permudahkanlah segala urusannya, murahkan rezekinya, dan semoga dia dibawah lindungan MU... AMIN YA RABBAL ALAMIN :''-) *tetibe touching! Rindu mek saya... and rindu masa2 cabut uban beliau sambil borak2 kt tangga... hahaha

yg seterusnya utk ibu, yg aku yakin telah terluka hatinya,maaf sgt2 sebab buat ibu and ayah kecewa...tapi na cuma buat ape yg na tau terbaik utk hidup na... terima kasih atas segalanya...

ampun dan maaf...

buat mama yg jauh dimata... maaf, dari dulu memang na rapat sgt dgn mama...

na tau mama harap na akan terus ade dgn mama... na janji... na xkan lupakan mama... kat mana pun na berada... mama tetap dlm ingatan... mama dah mcm mama na sendiri... dan na xkan lupakan mama dgn adik wlpn lps ni kite dah jauh sikit... maaf, na x dpt penuhi harapan mama yg dulu... takdir Allah itu tidak dapat kita duga... tp ketahuilah... na dah cuba utk lakukan yg terbaik utk mama sekeluarga... cuma, bukan itu takdir Nya...

Yang terakhir dalam penulisan ini tetapi yg sgt istimewa, seseorg yg saya aggp seperti ibu saya sendiri...dan bakal saya panggil dgn panggilan MAK tidak lama lagi... Pn Patimah Binti Aman... mak cik, terima kasih sbb kasih syg mak cik sbgai ibu telah menyentuh hati ini... dgn kemesraan dan penerimaan mak cik atas kehadiran saya dalam keluarga mak cik... dan turut menyebelahi saya ketika keadaan genting seketika tempoh hari... terima kasih byk2... terima kasih atas restu mak cik utk saya dan acu... dan walaupun kita baru sahaja mesra, tapi kita tidak kekok berbual...saya pasti dan saya yakin mak cik memang seorg ibu yg terbaik dan saya juga tau, mak cik adalah idola dan org yg sentiasa bertahta di hati acu... :) semoga hubungan kita mesra dan erat sampai bila2 sebagai mak dan anak... AMIN =)

dan pada semua diluar sana... hargailah ibu anda yg telah melahirkan anda dan membesarkan anda... kerana tanpa mereka siapalah anda yg berdiri megah kini... tanpa seorg ibu, tiadalah insan yg memimpin dan membangunkan sesuatu era dan tamadun kini... sesungguhnya jasa ibu sungguh luar biasa... kasih syg nya tak terhingga dan tak ternilai utk kita... kasih syg mereka tanpa batasan dan x mengira apa jua... they have love you...unconditionally....

~sorry post kali ni xde gambar2 sgt...~ eheh!