Feel like a total jerk and selfish... :-(

Assalamualaikum and 
salam sejahtera everyone...

dalam hidup kita x pernah sunyi dari diuji, x pernah sunyi dari rase down, hopeless, useless... and sometime... kite akan rase... we are total ass or useless or total jerk... a douche bag... ok more like it... whatever...

harini aku rase camtu, basically sbb kawan2 aku yg telah siapkan surat utk aku and aku tggal sign je... so sgt ase cam dah susahkan diorg sedangkan diorg pun ade benda lain gak nk handle... regret jgk la sbb explosive sgt skrg ni... ermmmm … ^_^”... tq so much tau korg due org...

so, psl feskab... dah ade org ganti... its ok since that is for the best... and I think everything else ok la kot... musim2 gini mmg dah terbiase everything jadi sgt annoying but still, the concern is there and aku pun dah fhm... so x jadi issue la kan...

lastly, td lepas je break fasting session, my abah called... tp kejap jelah then aku kol balik... borak punya borak la... even x tau nk ckp pasal ape sgt kan... but, I could tell he miss me and I do miss him too... well, that will not been totally true coz I have been so selfish lately... with everyone I guess? Erm x tau lah... maybe itu ape yg aku rase je or maybe part of it was true...

when was the last time I call abah? I can't even remember... how bad right? Kalau smpai x egt tu aku ase lama jgk tu... well, thats the selfish I was talking to you about... I was thinking of me and don't even realise these things... I mean, I do think about him, tp kdg2 nak call tu asyik lupe la, tgguh la... x sempat la... xde masa la... dulu I used to criticise iklan pasal ni coz I thought x logik kot bile kata xde masa utk parents sendiri... now I am one of them... which I dun wanna be like them at all... I wanna be with my abah whenever he needs me... but somehow somewhat, sometime I failed to do that...

and arini after 10 days aku x call abah... *finally egt sbb tgk diary... * and bercadang nak call... rupanya abah yg call aku dulu... selepas borak2... aku pun tanya... ada ape td abah? (mane la tau kot2 ade benda penting ke kan) pastu abah just cakap... “xdelah saje telipon, dah lame x telipon” serius, sentap... rase mcm baru bgun tdo dgr ayat abah tu... ermmmm … ni lah first time mmg aku drag lama gile x call abah... kalau x dlm seminggu tu mesti ade... and dlm sebok2 uruskan byk benda... aku dah abaikan tggungjwb yg satu ni... sedih... :(

yg lain2 pun xde balik, erm kalau ade balik pun bkn nk g dok jmpe abah pun kan... wth la kan... mls ambik tau dah sal diorg...

semoga lps ni aku x lupe lg... and semoga lps ni aku x sesengal ni lg la kan... semoga lps ni sebarang tanggungjawab boleh aku laksanakan dgn baik...amin... ya rabbal alamin...

the song i dedicated for my abah... :)