About this feelings...

Assalamualaikum w.b.t and good day...

its not about the countdown anymore...

its not about the days that passing very quickly...

its not about how long we have been strolling life together...

its about whats gonna happen next...

its about upcoming days...

its about the future we will lead on, very soon together...

After the engagement, we haven't meet each other... until today... yes, its awkward... I'll say that... both of us not really looking face to face when we are talking and all...

We met just for a while, he drop by UKM to deliver these wedding invitation card to me... and then we talk for a while about this matter in his car... he left about 10 minutes later,... it is a very quick conversation between us. And I do understand that when we are engaged, this is how it is supposed to be like...

However, I can't help feeling a bit sad and upset inside... I am so tense I don't need anything else except him by my side even it is just for few hours... I really miss him. I do. But, that is not the matter, I just can't face all of this alone... I am so thankfull I'm going back to my home tomorrow night. Seriously... I can't bear all of this crucial pain alone and deal with this problem by myself... I need a support. And these are the times that will show me who is my real friends and who is not,.. the time that will show who is close to me and be there whenever I need them too, and who is not. Who are my real supporters and who are my enemy... in silence...

We suppose to meet up last Sunday, and it is cancelled when I am already at bus stand... and today I thought we could meet up longer, sit somewhere and discuss, or maybe talk about something else to make the happy thoughts remains... but it did not happen... so I was upset,... I think I still am... I told myself not to be so dependent and spoil... but, I just can't simply let go the hurt and upset I felt in my heart. Its like, everything is just too heavy to hold on now...

I just felt hurt until I can't say a word that don't involve that sadness along... I hope everything will be cure as soon as I were back at Kelantan... since I know perfectly it will... but when I am abck again at UKM... that will haunt me again...

one thing that make it is all worth it... one fact, which is... whatever it is... he is the one I will end up together with soon... AMIN... 

Astrid-Tentang Rasa 


Aku tersesat
Menuju hatimu
Beri aku jalan yang indah
Izinkan ku lepas penatku
‘tuk sejenak lelap di bahumu


Dapatkah selamanya kita bersama
Menyatukan perasaan kau dan aku
Semoga cinta kita kekal abadi
Sesampainya akhir nanti selamanya

Tentang cinta yang datang perlahan

Membuatku takut kehilangan

Ku titipkan cahaya terang

Tak padam di dera goda dan masa

Dapatkah selamanya kita bersama

Menyatukan perasaan kau dan aku

Semoga cinta kita kekal abadi

Sesampainya akhir nanti selamanya

Those are the test we have to face... the interview, the circle, the talk...

Assalamualaikum w.b.t and good day...

yesterday I got a called from ibu... she told me what are happening there at UB... everything is in mess up... they attack my dad last week... just like I fear they would. They ask him why he hasn't tell them about me... (when he obviously don't even know the dates) and they all have known it all... so, they were so mad... and in times like this, I know they can only see my mistake, my fault, not theirs... and it pissed me off and stress me out real bad.

I mean, they are blaming my dad, that is what I can't stand of. Like I've said before... it is me, mad at me, hate me, throw me out, whatever you want. Do it... but not to my dad... not to him... he has nothing to do with this at all... why they have to be so mean to my dad??? why? Its like giving 2 choices to me... or actually a conclusion... as in, if I am happy, my dad will be suffer...

I am an OUTSIDER... yes, I AM... I am not asshamed to admit that. I am not their blood and flesh... I am no one... yes that is all TRUE... but, what about my dad??? he is part of the family... he is their uncle, brother in law, for goodness sake... don't they got that?

They accuse him not to educate me well, control me well, and whatsoever... who are them? What do they know about me and my dad? They never live the same house with us... they barely come and visit... they just come once... and that is to come drop by... I can count how many times have they did that...

Support me??? they never support my decision... whatever it is... my interest??? they never understand... I don't think they know me... they don't even know me that well to speak about me... to make decision about me and my life... and also... they don't have any right to question my decision in life, aren't they?

They said, after the wedding, I am not to step my feet there anymore... and not to admit I was part of the family. I do accept that. But, my dad? Who will heal his wound? I don't want him troubled by this matter... if it just about me, I won't get this upset... ever... I will be like, whatever u guys wanna think, I don't give a damn hell care at all... but, this thing have to do with my dad... and when it involved my dad, I can't just simply shut up and let it go as in the blink of eye... I CAN'T...

They wanna see me, or to be exact, us... to ask the details, every single question every single things... they gonna do what they did when I was in Form 4... but I think this is even bigger than it used to be before... seriously,... so, maybe after the mid sem break we will face them all... answer everything they ask us,.. whatsoever... and we have to be prepare for it... I know they will twist every single word we said... but, we have to be brave and stay strong...

I don't know how I will manage that. But, he will be there too... I thought, two is better than one... right? So, I hope with his presence there everything will be fine... its gonna be ok... once we pass this phase... its gonna be over... we gonna start over and everything will be just fine and normal as it supposed to be... I surely do hope so... especially to my dad...

Now that there is nothing else we can do, or wanna do, we just have to face whatever that coming together... cause this is the beginning of everything from now on till the future,... our life is getting more and more challenging and we thought we honor those challenges...

Whatever happens next, we know and sure for one thing, nothing would make us change our mind about this anymore... NOTHING

Pressure Of Everything *holding on and not to give up

Assalamualaikum dan salam sejahtera...

PRESSURE

tu lah yg aku rasa sekarang... y? Aku rasa sgt PENAT dgn everything and so on... nak2 pulak ibu and Ain called byk kali since semalam... dan aku xtau ape yg diorg nk sampaikan... nak agkt call pun aku cam x boleyh and aku sendiri xtau kenapa... Mungkin ade lah hal kat sana lagi tu yg berbangkit melibatkan aku... well, considering lately... what is not??? kan? Cuma, aku x mampu nak angkat and dengar diorg ckp yg aku wat kesilapan paling besar dalam hidup aku... aku TAK NAK DENGAR ayat tu disebut SEKALI LAGI... x nak....

THE SIGN

30 Mac aritu aku dok ralit dengan tarikh PTU 2012 tp aku terfikir, 3 bulan dari tarikh tu ape akan jadi... aku terfikir akan tanggungjawab dan amanah baru yg akan aku galas... mampukah aku? Aku berdoa aku mampu... semoga aku menjadi seseorg yg lebih baik selepas itu nanti... AMIN... then, suddenly something jadi... aku dpt tau one of my friend yg dekat dgn aku... sebaya aku... and she's married... about a year ago... tp still boleh handle life die, study die... hopefully aku pun boleh balance mcm tu... AMIN & itu menunjukkan bukan aku seorg je buat keputusan mcm ni, ade lagi selain aku... jadi hati tu makin lama jadi makin teguh dan kuat...

ACU SAIF

I haven't seen him a while... (2 weeks to be exact) and we are supposed to settle few things tonite... but we have to cancelled it last minute time... I think that is when I have had enough and cried few hours until I fell asleep... its just that with everything going on lately... the pressure and all... I really need him to tell me that everything is fine, its going to be ok... I will trust him even that was a lie... I really do. So, obviously I am not in a good mood right now to do anything at all..

Pernahkah kau bermimpi seketika berada di tempat ku?

Kuteruskan hidup, hari demi hari pun berlalu...

seksa dan derita ku tanggung sendiri...

apa yg tggal hanyalah doaku pada Mu tuhan...

pasrahku hanya KAMU yg menentukan... 

Tahniah kepada para pemenang and for those yg lain, u guys still the best!!!

Assalamualaikum... and salam sejahtera...

Guys, adat bertanding ada yg kalah menang,... normal la tu... and for today's highlight is your life is up and down, x boleyh la selalu nak menang and duduk kat atas... sometimes, you have to face the failure... be at the bottom... coz life is like a wheel... ia sentiasa berpusing. Its a karma... u got what u deserved. Depend on your effort in what you did...right? Setimpal... fair... that is Allah S.W.T promise. You got the result according to your effort. SUBHANALLAH :)

Pekan Teater UKM 2012 dah pun berakhir, after this Festival Seni pulak menyusul... aku masih terfikir nak join atau x. Kesian pulak dgn Bung sbb kami dah rapat dgn dia... I will consider la jgk kan since aku sgt bz with ABADI 2012 lak lpas ni.. Harini jgk ade beberapa perkataan yg aku nk highlight kan... TANGGUNGJAWAB... AMANAH...

aku rase lately walaupun aku bertugas utk keduanya PTU 2012 & ABADI 2012 tp seolah2 aku sgt selfish. I dont like what happened to me being so selfish... aku menggalas tanggungjawab itu sebagai satu amanah... somewhow somewhat, walau dah all out, aku masih rasa aku belum bg yg terbaik, belum menjalankan tanggungjawab tu sepenuhnya dgn baik lagi... So far, aku tggal nk compile fail PTU 2012 je lg... hope setteled before balik Kelate Khamis mggu ni... AMIN...

Amanah seterusnya ialah ABADI 2012 yg harus aku beri komitmen terlebih dahulu berbanding yg lain... and study aku jugak yg agak terbalik lately... maybe coz aku yg x dpt manage masa tu dgn baik kan... esok aku ade kuiz, mlm ni still tulis blog lg... aishhh... =_=” … hopefully naik mid-sem nanti aku lebih organise dan x terkejar2... AMIN...

Give your best ZARINA... ingat your aim... D.L ~AMIN~ tu semua amanah...

Anyway, tahniah pada kolej2 yg menang and so on... yg x berjaya, you guys still the best, masih ada masa lg... aku hepi gak la sbb ARCA dari KTDI menang several award...since I love that theatre... and utk Kolej Aminuddin Baki tercinta... serta crew2... Good Job you guys!!! I am so proud of all of you... dah jauh kita step out sejak Malam Seni Berputik dulu... *teary eye :''-)

So, see you guys at ICAF ke nanti... INSYA ALLAH =)