kaer azami song as background :')

Assalamualaikum w.b.t salam sejahtera...

semale tido ku tok jenero... mari terbaye rupo demo...
ha dok wat gapo pulop nzm nok gege male2 ni? doh tok de nok duk die doh lo ni... tok jenero sero hari demi hari... nok wat guano... tok lamo lagi hari kito dok tunggu2 nok sapa doh... kito nok ghoyak perasae kito pun tok leh... dok dup dap2 dale ni... ghama doh duk tanyo... gapo kito sero lo lo ni... nok jadi bini oghe doh... nok jawap gapo pong tok tahu... mace2 kito dok sero sakni... katgi tok tahu guano pulop... relek2 sudoh lo ni... exam lagi k.. harap2 exam kali ni kawe buleh bawok jugok la buktike kawe buleh buat yg terbaek k... aminnnn

aha... kepada anda2 yg dah pening baca ayat2 kt atas tu... itu adalah usaha saya... improve kelantanese language... maklumla x lama lg pra praktikum kat sana kan... doakan yg terbaik jelah utk final ni kan... and the next few things and the biggest event of my life... 


for someone, an old friend of mine... selamat berjuang di perantauan... selamat berkhidmat utk negara... semoga training nnt dipermudahkan utk kau... selamat fly 15 and 16 ni nnt... semoga perjalanan kau selamat dan baik2 shja... kenanglah ibu bapa dan org tua kau kat sini yg x putus2 doakan kau k... semoga kau sukses selalu dan bahagia serta dpt yg terbaik dlm hidup kau...


dear kawan, aku tau x mudah dan hati kau sedikit sebanyak terluka dgn sampainya kad jemputan tu dalam tgn kau dan family kau... cuma ampun maaf sbb kita dah cuba yg terbaik dulu. it is just never meant to be... yes, it is hurtful... but... it is just not the fate are... 


berada nya aku kat rumah kau haritu sudah cukup utk mengungkit segala cerita dulu... tp aku tau... silapnya kau dan aku... kita terlalu muda msa tu utk tau apa yg terbaik bg diri kita, dan we are too young to realise it will never work between us. kau dan aku mmg x serasi or ditakdirkan bersama, kita temui suatu kebahagiaan dalam perpisahan... 


ayah... maaf harapan dan angan2 ayah dan mama tu x pernah dpt ina tunaikan... suratan takdir dah tentukan, anggaplah tiada jodoh kami ayah, mama... ina hrap dia akan jumpa seseorg yg boleh ganti tempat ina di hati ayah dgn mama... dan dihati dia... 


dan betul kata org, utk bertahan dgn seseorg, ingatlah masa2 gembira kita dan dia... *kata2 nurul actually suatu ketika dulu dan utk melepaskan kenangan kita atau seseorg itu, kenanglah segala keperitan yg kita alami kerana dia dulu... dan selepas bakar diary thun2 lps haritu, aku rasa lega sgt semua itu telah aku lepaskan... 


kawan, aku... bukan lagi kekasihmu... lepaskan lah segala keperitan masa2 dahulu dari benakmu... 


berada disana meyakinkan aku, yg hatiku tidak lagi disitu walaupun semua itu familiar bg aku... hati ini rindu dan ditarik2 pulang ke tempat asalku dna dimana aku harus berada... 


disinilah tempat aku, di ukm, disamping tunang tersyg dan keluarga ku tercinta :) 


Khairul Nisham Bin Mohd Yusof... tq utk everytg dulu... and maafkan aku... 


Mohd Saifudin Bin Mohammad Ali Yasin... awak masa lalu saya, masa kini saya dan masa depan saya, dimana saya patut berada... hati saya hanya utk awak, hanya milik awak, awak cinta saya dulu,kini dan selamanya... InsyaAllah aminnnn :) 

things are going fine :) ... finally XD

Assalamualaikum and salam sejahtera :)

today mood baik sgt kan sbb x pernah2 nak bgun awal2 pg, arini bangun awal la sket... hahaha *awal la sgt kan... erm anyway, just nak cite sket je arini... xde mende nak tulis sgt pun... the truth is aku x tau nk describe aty aku skrg ni cmne... thats the thing...

hokeh! Everything is doing fine... and after all those emo moments everything good and happy come back around. And I guess thats just the life is... it spins like a wheel. I got terrific news ICAF 2012 since we got 2^nd place for theatre and first place among all =) bahagia sgt <3 go go go KOLEJ AMINUDDIN BAKI!!! u guys are awesome! STAB *seni teater aminuddin baki (I gave the name suggestion and we keep it till now) awwww! Thats the ICAF 2012 story...

Study? Doing fine than I have ever did in the last few months back. Guess it is more organise now that every other extra activities is done... weeee! So, I guess I will try to do better in finals and upcoming papers... I am not hoping for the perfections, and it is good enough if I can maintain my pointer last semester. I really do hope that I can... AMIN. Plus, I just found out which school I will be doing my pre-practicum at... and it is.... SMK SUNGAI PINANG PALEKBANG TUMPAT KELANTAN =) hehehe

so excited since I will be going to school just by walking everyday... eheh! That is if I leave early.. I sure hope I can do so. :-p so, this Ramadhan I will be staying at my mum's house, helping my sister to do things for her wedding on this 2^nd Eid, experience fasting month with them and make preparation 4 raya. Something I wanna do since a long time ago. This, will be the first fasting month I will be having with them.... *so teary eye. And also I will be busy skyping from a distance with my dear hubby that moment *opss? Erm... XD

This Eid is my first time fasting together with dear hubby (still fiance on this current moment) with his family, my family, our family... kalau last year puasa sorg2... thun ni puasa dah berdua... eventhough 2 weeks je sama2 coz sblm tu aku puase kat kelantan... jauh lg, asing2 mcm last year, time masing2 keje... *lgpn mase tu kan dok kapel je lg... :D but, raya tahun ni 1^st raya kat n9... raya sama2... then bru balik kelate for farah's wedding lak... huhuhu mcm x caya kan? How life has move on with us...

so thats all folks,... based on my tone, I guess boleh bce yg we are in a good condition rite now *coz I am not complaining... hehehe so another 28 days to go... seriously, ase nak pengsan skrg ni tahu? =) pray 4 the best,... AMIN

words are spinning in my head, dunno why i'm holding back...

Assalamualaikum and salam sejahtera...

Pouring my heart out on 3.50 am... soooo me! I can't stop these tears... I am soooo upset right now... really2 upset and I dunno what can I do to release it... so I wrote it as a way to let it out. Do you know the song entitled “key to my heart” by Jessica Jarrell.??? its a OST for The Back Up Plan... the one when J.Lo gets pregnant with a twin n fall in love with a farmer or the cheese maker * I can rephrase that... Anyway that song really describe my heart right now... Its just the way of me getting that feels out... ok for those who still don't know the song, here's the lyrics...

“boy you put me on the spot, I dunno what to say, but i'm trying anyway...

like my heart's gonna drop, my mind drift away, and I can't control the pain...

words are spinning in my head, dunno why i'm holding back...

I should juz tell you how i'm feeling..

but I dun wanna act a fool, dun wanna looked confuse,

if I let u know, about the way I feel, dunno what u gonna do...

so I keep it lock inside, and I imagine u were mine,

and i'm feeling u so close but yet so far...

you hold the key to my heart....

the more I brush it off, tell myself there's nothing at all,

deeper I fall...

and I imagine everyday, in thousands different way,

how u respond to what I say...

am I getting lost in my dreams? Are u unreachable to me?

Coz this butterflies just wont go away...

but if I never tell u then u'll never know,

and this secret is getting heavy to hold...

this is more than just a crushed...

so I may statter when I speak, and my knees will get a little weak,

but i've got nothing to lose and only u to gain...

tell me do u feel the same???”

then all the chorus repeat activity...

I dont like to hold it all inside... coz I have seen what it did to me before... I dun even know why should I be so upset... but I really am! I should not be mad or feel annoyed... but I did feel that right now! Really, seriously... :( I just dunno how to say it or to express it... I just don't... I wish it could settle just like that. Or blow in the thin air... so I wont feel this pain anymore...

everything doing just ok with everything else... but this? DISASTER! This is not what I am supposed to feel... but, yes, I am just a normal human... I can't help feeling offended and sensitive about some stuff... right? Sometimes our rational tell us different things and our heart are the opposite... I tried to be supportive...i really did... but somehow... in some times and moment...i just can't! I can't think of the relevant and sincere in what i'm doing...

feels like I am lost in a whole and I can't get out of it... its about priority... and I am not gonna lie, I am so dissapointed... truly are! from the bottom of my heart, deep inside... I seriously felt dissapointed... its hard to expain it in words, but,... I am hurt enough :(

but how do I??? 

Positive energy are flowing =)

Assalamualaikum and hye :)

Today is a good day... such a beautiful day actually. And I am saying this coz I woke up really early for the presentation I had in class this morning. And it was AWESOME!!! -except I have to wear all black as I am the devil! Eheh! *why do I like to make that exclamation nowadays? Such a mystery... anyway... back to the story,.. and everything went good...

As a normal human, we need to come to sense where we have to realise we need help... seriously! I knew I need help so I seek for one and find someone who can help me... after the session of it, I feel really relax, calm down, and sooo much better than before. Feeling quit good actually. And maybe this happened because I, myself also have been acting and behaving positively recently.

Its good to know that we have our own strength that make us wake and stand up from the weakness inside our self... deep down we are who we think we are... not who they want us to be =)

There are some ways that I have been suggested and actually I have thought about that once... I think I will go for it and follow the flow... and I think, everything will be fine after that... Insya Allah... tawakal and redha... =) just wish for the best. Amin.

And these 2 days, I kept thinking and remembering about him... omaigad! I miss him sooo much and it feels so good to got the text like I had this morning... =) tqsm for making me feel good <3 and...happy... now its left to many things more to be taken care of … right... *breathing for a while... 

Mak, Mek, Ibu, Mama, Mak :)

Assalamualaikum dan salam sejahtera...

sana sini org duk sibuk... Hari Ibu2...

aku teringat last year aku ade buat entry pasal hari ibu ni... as a dedication la kan...

However, tahun ni aku dpt tau sbnrnya HARAM celebrate Mother's Day... sure, mmg meraikan seorg ibu yg telah melahirkan kita tu x salah... cuma tarikhnya sahaja yg x kena...

rupanya hari ibu bg agama lain membawa maksud tuhan diorg and whatsoever...panjang sejarahnya and utk further information, sila google :) hehehe *wikipedia sudah...

true, boleh je nk bg hadiah kt ibu kite bile2 mase kan...x semestinya on hari ibu je kite nak appreciate mak kite... right? So why on specific date only? Sbb everyday can be mother's day...

show ur love to ur mother is not limited to special day only... :)

cerita pasal ibu... mak, mama, mummy, umi, mek,  and ape je korg pggil insan yg melahirkan korg aku pun nak citer pasal ni jgk...

As usual...

even sekarang keadaan aku kritikal sket on UB side... it doesn't stop me from remembering my late ma... even sekarang it doesn't hurt like it use to be... but it still hurts a lot when my dad says “*erm bia cite tergantung... she has done great job raising me... tanak cite coz sume bende dah lps and she is no longer here... biarlah tersimpan dalam hati sahaja kan...

Ya Allah, cucurilah rahmat keatas arwah 

Pn Hajah Rubyah Binti Hj Baharuddin

tempatkanlah dia bersama orang2 yg beriman dan yg Kau redhai... AMIN...

well,

move on to the next one...

my mek... Pn Hasnah Binti Samat

she is such a lovely person, kind hearted, 
and I am so proud of her

having her as a mother is such a bless...

I mean, die jenis yg x kesah dan x berkira dgn anak2..die sggup korbankan ape je utk anak2 die and die sgt pentingkan anak2 die dari diri die sendiri.

To tell the truth die mmg bg priority kt org lain and anak2 die banding utk diri die...

itu yg buat aku sgt kagum dgn insan yg melahirkan aku ni... sejak bulan 7 tahun lepas, aku akhirnya kembali ke pangkuan die setelah lama terpisah... 19 tahun to be exact...ketibaan aku disambut tangis sayu dan pilu serta gembira nya...

sungguh, aku terharu! Air mata menitis memikirkan...

itulah pelukan yg aku rindu selama ini...

itulah suara yg jadi igauan aku setiap masa...

pelukan itu yg buat aku lena sepanjang malam...

demi tuhan, kasih syg seorg ibu,... insan yg aku pggil mek, sungguh agung dan tidak ternilai...

walau aku bukan dijaga oleh beliau...

tetapi itu tidak menghalang beliau menyayangi dan mencintai anak nya ini...tiap suapan, sentuhan, pelukan dan titis kasih sygnya tidak ade tukar ganti bg ku...

dan pengorbanannya utkku sejak aku pulang memang jelas terlihat dan terpancar...dimata nya, aku adalah permata yg harus ditatang bagai myk yg penuh...

kini, beliau sibuk membantu dan menguruskan hal pernikahan dan perkahwinanku tidak lama lagi...

alangkah bangganya dirinya memikirkan anak gadisnya bakal menyandang gelaran baru tidak lama lagi...

*meme yo tok baco aku dok tulih gapo dale blog ko... dale fb ko... tp aku tok leh nok bayar gapo2 yo pernah wi ko aku... aku tok leh lagi nok balas jaso yo kat aku selamo ni... meme aku tok nafi ke, aku jupo yo pun baghu2 ni jah... tapi dale hati aku yo tetap tok leh diganti denge sapo2...* 
(ternganga x?) Anyway, sorry my kelantanese is quit shaggy sbb dah lama x guna kan... hehehe... 


so, mek mmg buat aku kagum sgt dgn die... she is my idol, as a good mum... kdg2 die akan membebel, sampai rase nak suruh die berhenti... hahaha tapi, once die berhenti mesti rindu nk dgr die bebel balik... sbb kami adik beradik semua tau, die bebel utk kebaikan kami...

aku cuma kesal... waktu hidupnya susah dan senang di waktu dulu, aku tiada disisi, tiada disampingnya melalui hari2 bahagia dan derita bersama2... itulah dia ibuku, yg sudah susah payah melahirkan aku dan kembarku Zahid pada 30 november 1991... 21 tahun yg lalu... aku sgt menyayanginya...

Ya Allah, semoga aku sempat membalas segala jasa baik ibuku yg sudah membawa aku ke dunia, yg dengan berat hatinya melepaskan aku kepada org lain demi kebajikanku supaya terjaga dan terpelihara dengan baik... sesungguhnya aku tidak pernah menyalahkan dirinya atas apa jua yg berlaku serta takdir dan suratan perjalanan hidup aku. Bagiku semua ini adalah takdir Allah S.W.T yg harus aku terima dgn pasrah dan redha...

Ya Allah semoga impian beliau dapat aku penuhi dan aku kabulkan dengan kemampuan ku... semoga terbalas jasa2 ibuku utkku,... semoga dia terus disisiku menemaniku dalam menghadapi hari2 yg penuh liku selepas ini...

Ya Allah,... panjangkanlah usia ibuku, berikanlah kesihatan buat dirinya... berikanlah kesejahteraan utknya... permudahkanlah segala urusannya, murahkan rezekinya, dan semoga dia dibawah lindungan MU... AMIN YA RABBAL ALAMIN :''-) *tetibe touching! Rindu mek saya... and rindu masa2 cabut uban beliau sambil borak2 kt tangga... hahaha

yg seterusnya utk ibu, yg aku yakin telah terluka hatinya,maaf sgt2 sebab buat ibu and ayah kecewa...tapi na cuma buat ape yg na tau terbaik utk hidup na... terima kasih atas segalanya...

ampun dan maaf...

buat mama yg jauh dimata... maaf, dari dulu memang na rapat sgt dgn mama...

na tau mama harap na akan terus ade dgn mama... na janji... na xkan lupakan mama... kat mana pun na berada... mama tetap dlm ingatan... mama dah mcm mama na sendiri... dan na xkan lupakan mama dgn adik wlpn lps ni kite dah jauh sikit... maaf, na x dpt penuhi harapan mama yg dulu... takdir Allah itu tidak dapat kita duga... tp ketahuilah... na dah cuba utk lakukan yg terbaik utk mama sekeluarga... cuma, bukan itu takdir Nya...

Yang terakhir dalam penulisan ini tetapi yg sgt istimewa, seseorg yg saya aggp seperti ibu saya sendiri...dan bakal saya panggil dgn panggilan MAK tidak lama lagi... Pn Patimah Binti Aman... mak cik, terima kasih sbb kasih syg mak cik sbgai ibu telah menyentuh hati ini... dgn kemesraan dan penerimaan mak cik atas kehadiran saya dalam keluarga mak cik... dan turut menyebelahi saya ketika keadaan genting seketika tempoh hari... terima kasih byk2... terima kasih atas restu mak cik utk saya dan acu... dan walaupun kita baru sahaja mesra, tapi kita tidak kekok berbual...saya pasti dan saya yakin mak cik memang seorg ibu yg terbaik dan saya juga tau, mak cik adalah idola dan org yg sentiasa bertahta di hati acu... :) semoga hubungan kita mesra dan erat sampai bila2 sebagai mak dan anak... AMIN =)

dan pada semua diluar sana... hargailah ibu anda yg telah melahirkan anda dan membesarkan anda... kerana tanpa mereka siapalah anda yg berdiri megah kini... tanpa seorg ibu, tiadalah insan yg memimpin dan membangunkan sesuatu era dan tamadun kini... sesungguhnya jasa ibu sungguh luar biasa... kasih syg nya tak terhingga dan tak ternilai utk kita... kasih syg mereka tanpa batasan dan x mengira apa jua... they have love you...unconditionally....

~sorry post kali ni xde gambar2 sgt...~ eheh!

About this feelings...

Assalamualaikum w.b.t and good day...

its not about the countdown anymore...

its not about the days that passing very quickly...

its not about how long we have been strolling life together...

its about whats gonna happen next...

its about upcoming days...

its about the future we will lead on, very soon together...

After the engagement, we haven't meet each other... until today... yes, its awkward... I'll say that... both of us not really looking face to face when we are talking and all...

We met just for a while, he drop by UKM to deliver these wedding invitation card to me... and then we talk for a while about this matter in his car... he left about 10 minutes later,... it is a very quick conversation between us. And I do understand that when we are engaged, this is how it is supposed to be like...

However, I can't help feeling a bit sad and upset inside... I am so tense I don't need anything else except him by my side even it is just for few hours... I really miss him. I do. But, that is not the matter, I just can't face all of this alone... I am so thankfull I'm going back to my home tomorrow night. Seriously... I can't bear all of this crucial pain alone and deal with this problem by myself... I need a support. And these are the times that will show me who is my real friends and who is not,.. the time that will show who is close to me and be there whenever I need them too, and who is not. Who are my real supporters and who are my enemy... in silence...

We suppose to meet up last Sunday, and it is cancelled when I am already at bus stand... and today I thought we could meet up longer, sit somewhere and discuss, or maybe talk about something else to make the happy thoughts remains... but it did not happen... so I was upset,... I think I still am... I told myself not to be so dependent and spoil... but, I just can't simply let go the hurt and upset I felt in my heart. Its like, everything is just too heavy to hold on now...

I just felt hurt until I can't say a word that don't involve that sadness along... I hope everything will be cure as soon as I were back at Kelantan... since I know perfectly it will... but when I am abck again at UKM... that will haunt me again...

one thing that make it is all worth it... one fact, which is... whatever it is... he is the one I will end up together with soon... AMIN... 

Astrid-Tentang Rasa 


Aku tersesat
Menuju hatimu
Beri aku jalan yang indah
Izinkan ku lepas penatku
‘tuk sejenak lelap di bahumu


Dapatkah selamanya kita bersama
Menyatukan perasaan kau dan aku
Semoga cinta kita kekal abadi
Sesampainya akhir nanti selamanya

Tentang cinta yang datang perlahan

Membuatku takut kehilangan

Ku titipkan cahaya terang

Tak padam di dera goda dan masa

Dapatkah selamanya kita bersama

Menyatukan perasaan kau dan aku

Semoga cinta kita kekal abadi

Sesampainya akhir nanti selamanya

Those are the test we have to face... the interview, the circle, the talk...

Assalamualaikum w.b.t and good day...

yesterday I got a called from ibu... she told me what are happening there at UB... everything is in mess up... they attack my dad last week... just like I fear they would. They ask him why he hasn't tell them about me... (when he obviously don't even know the dates) and they all have known it all... so, they were so mad... and in times like this, I know they can only see my mistake, my fault, not theirs... and it pissed me off and stress me out real bad.

I mean, they are blaming my dad, that is what I can't stand of. Like I've said before... it is me, mad at me, hate me, throw me out, whatever you want. Do it... but not to my dad... not to him... he has nothing to do with this at all... why they have to be so mean to my dad??? why? Its like giving 2 choices to me... or actually a conclusion... as in, if I am happy, my dad will be suffer...

I am an OUTSIDER... yes, I AM... I am not asshamed to admit that. I am not their blood and flesh... I am no one... yes that is all TRUE... but, what about my dad??? he is part of the family... he is their uncle, brother in law, for goodness sake... don't they got that?

They accuse him not to educate me well, control me well, and whatsoever... who are them? What do they know about me and my dad? They never live the same house with us... they barely come and visit... they just come once... and that is to come drop by... I can count how many times have they did that...

Support me??? they never support my decision... whatever it is... my interest??? they never understand... I don't think they know me... they don't even know me that well to speak about me... to make decision about me and my life... and also... they don't have any right to question my decision in life, aren't they?

They said, after the wedding, I am not to step my feet there anymore... and not to admit I was part of the family. I do accept that. But, my dad? Who will heal his wound? I don't want him troubled by this matter... if it just about me, I won't get this upset... ever... I will be like, whatever u guys wanna think, I don't give a damn hell care at all... but, this thing have to do with my dad... and when it involved my dad, I can't just simply shut up and let it go as in the blink of eye... I CAN'T...

They wanna see me, or to be exact, us... to ask the details, every single question every single things... they gonna do what they did when I was in Form 4... but I think this is even bigger than it used to be before... seriously,... so, maybe after the mid sem break we will face them all... answer everything they ask us,.. whatsoever... and we have to be prepare for it... I know they will twist every single word we said... but, we have to be brave and stay strong...

I don't know how I will manage that. But, he will be there too... I thought, two is better than one... right? So, I hope with his presence there everything will be fine... its gonna be ok... once we pass this phase... its gonna be over... we gonna start over and everything will be just fine and normal as it supposed to be... I surely do hope so... especially to my dad...

Now that there is nothing else we can do, or wanna do, we just have to face whatever that coming together... cause this is the beginning of everything from now on till the future,... our life is getting more and more challenging and we thought we honor those challenges...

Whatever happens next, we know and sure for one thing, nothing would make us change our mind about this anymore... NOTHING

Pressure Of Everything *holding on and not to give up

Assalamualaikum dan salam sejahtera...

PRESSURE

tu lah yg aku rasa sekarang... y? Aku rasa sgt PENAT dgn everything and so on... nak2 pulak ibu and Ain called byk kali since semalam... dan aku xtau ape yg diorg nk sampaikan... nak agkt call pun aku cam x boleyh and aku sendiri xtau kenapa... Mungkin ade lah hal kat sana lagi tu yg berbangkit melibatkan aku... well, considering lately... what is not??? kan? Cuma, aku x mampu nak angkat and dengar diorg ckp yg aku wat kesilapan paling besar dalam hidup aku... aku TAK NAK DENGAR ayat tu disebut SEKALI LAGI... x nak....

THE SIGN

30 Mac aritu aku dok ralit dengan tarikh PTU 2012 tp aku terfikir, 3 bulan dari tarikh tu ape akan jadi... aku terfikir akan tanggungjawab dan amanah baru yg akan aku galas... mampukah aku? Aku berdoa aku mampu... semoga aku menjadi seseorg yg lebih baik selepas itu nanti... AMIN... then, suddenly something jadi... aku dpt tau one of my friend yg dekat dgn aku... sebaya aku... and she's married... about a year ago... tp still boleh handle life die, study die... hopefully aku pun boleh balance mcm tu... AMIN & itu menunjukkan bukan aku seorg je buat keputusan mcm ni, ade lagi selain aku... jadi hati tu makin lama jadi makin teguh dan kuat...

ACU SAIF

I haven't seen him a while... (2 weeks to be exact) and we are supposed to settle few things tonite... but we have to cancelled it last minute time... I think that is when I have had enough and cried few hours until I fell asleep... its just that with everything going on lately... the pressure and all... I really need him to tell me that everything is fine, its going to be ok... I will trust him even that was a lie... I really do. So, obviously I am not in a good mood right now to do anything at all..

Pernahkah kau bermimpi seketika berada di tempat ku?

Kuteruskan hidup, hari demi hari pun berlalu...

seksa dan derita ku tanggung sendiri...

apa yg tggal hanyalah doaku pada Mu tuhan...

pasrahku hanya KAMU yg menentukan... 

Tahniah kepada para pemenang and for those yg lain, u guys still the best!!!

Assalamualaikum... and salam sejahtera...

Guys, adat bertanding ada yg kalah menang,... normal la tu... and for today's highlight is your life is up and down, x boleyh la selalu nak menang and duduk kat atas... sometimes, you have to face the failure... be at the bottom... coz life is like a wheel... ia sentiasa berpusing. Its a karma... u got what u deserved. Depend on your effort in what you did...right? Setimpal... fair... that is Allah S.W.T promise. You got the result according to your effort. SUBHANALLAH :)

Pekan Teater UKM 2012 dah pun berakhir, after this Festival Seni pulak menyusul... aku masih terfikir nak join atau x. Kesian pulak dgn Bung sbb kami dah rapat dgn dia... I will consider la jgk kan since aku sgt bz with ABADI 2012 lak lpas ni.. Harini jgk ade beberapa perkataan yg aku nk highlight kan... TANGGUNGJAWAB... AMANAH...

aku rase lately walaupun aku bertugas utk keduanya PTU 2012 & ABADI 2012 tp seolah2 aku sgt selfish. I dont like what happened to me being so selfish... aku menggalas tanggungjawab itu sebagai satu amanah... somewhow somewhat, walau dah all out, aku masih rasa aku belum bg yg terbaik, belum menjalankan tanggungjawab tu sepenuhnya dgn baik lagi... So far, aku tggal nk compile fail PTU 2012 je lg... hope setteled before balik Kelate Khamis mggu ni... AMIN...

Amanah seterusnya ialah ABADI 2012 yg harus aku beri komitmen terlebih dahulu berbanding yg lain... and study aku jugak yg agak terbalik lately... maybe coz aku yg x dpt manage masa tu dgn baik kan... esok aku ade kuiz, mlm ni still tulis blog lg... aishhh... =_=” … hopefully naik mid-sem nanti aku lebih organise dan x terkejar2... AMIN...

Give your best ZARINA... ingat your aim... D.L ~AMIN~ tu semua amanah...

Anyway, tahniah pada kolej2 yg menang and so on... yg x berjaya, you guys still the best, masih ada masa lg... aku hepi gak la sbb ARCA dari KTDI menang several award...since I love that theatre... and utk Kolej Aminuddin Baki tercinta... serta crew2... Good Job you guys!!! I am so proud of all of you... dah jauh kita step out sejak Malam Seni Berputik dulu... *teary eye :''-)

So, see you guys at ICAF ke nanti... INSYA ALLAH =)

Teater, Drama, Kehidupan Bukan Lakonan / Pementasan di Pentas Dunia.

Assalamualaikum dan salam sejahtera...

Selepas seminggu aku kena jaga Panggung Seni utk Pekan Teater UKM 2012, aku nak tulis satu entry tentang teater. Berkait dgn kehidupan kita... Hidup bukan satu pementasan drama... walaupun ia seolah2 drama yg dilakonkan oleh setiap kita dgn watak masing2... Drama adalah adaptasi dari kehidupan manusia. Tp ia tetap lakonan, bukan realiti... most of it is fantasy... seolah2 sebuah cerita kehidupan yg boleh diedit dan ditukar2 jalan ceritanya mengikut fiksyen... Wayang semata2...

In real life, boleh ke kita tukar kisah hidup kita? NO, becoz kite bukan pengarah... kite cume watak dan karakter yg memainkan peranan diri kita masing2... takdir bukan ditangan kita walaupun nasib kita, cuma kite yg boleh ubah... bergantung kpd usaha diri kita... Cube tgk setiap yg berlakon tu... mereka cume memainkan watak je, diluar teater, mereka adalah org yg lain drpd yg dilakonkan tu, betul x?

So, sebenarnya hidup kite mmg penuh drama... (nak2 yg mcm kite rase tntg life kite sendiri) mcm mane aku ase life aku pnuh drama... semua org pun rasa mcm tu kan... tp drama mmg jadi di sekeliling kite setiap hari... kite x kan dpt knal seseorg tu sepenuhnya rapat mcm mane pun kita dgn die... kan? Its like, ko x boleh nk nmpk org lain mcm mane ko nmpk diri kau... even kdg2, diri kita sendiri pun kite x berapa nk kenal... sebuah pencarian, that is what our life are like...

Org sekeliling kite sendiri pun, penuh drama... x semua kite boleh percaya, x semua kita boleh harapkan... semua ade je cover mask masing2... erm, no honesty la disitu... kdg2, org yg x disangka2 tu yg tikam kita dari belakang... so, thats what the life are for those yg put trust but been betrayed.

Cuma percayalah, drama bukan realiti, walaupun ia adaptasi kehidupan kita, realiti bukan lah drama yg boleh kite ubah pelakon dan jalan ceritanya sesuka hati kita... dan kite x kan boleh jadi watak lain or org lain yg bukan diri kita sendiri... kite, x boleh jadi seseorg yg lain. We can just simply be ourself. Thats all. And lead our own life the way we are supposed to. Destiny are not us to change, or to decide, but, our life decision, and our fate next, are us to decide where we what to lead our life, which way, and how... kite lah yg melakar dan mencorakkan kehidupan kite, bukan org lain, cume, ingat... kita sbgai manusia cuma merancang, tapi segalanya... Allah S.W.T yg tentukan... kesudahannya... no one will ever know...

Satu cerita dari pekan teater ukm 2012 ni yg betul2 buat aku berfikir dan hayati coz it is really meaningful wlpn ade yg ckp boring... ialah ARCA dari KTDI sbb its about the creation who forgot her creator... its about seorg pencipta arca yg menghidupkan arca tu... but he fell in love with his own creation... tp creation die tu x nak hidup terkurung... dia nak bebas... tgk dunia luar, kind of lupe diri sbb die ase terkongkong konon la dgn creator die... with rules and everything... then one day mase arca ni nk escape, pencipta die dpt tau...

Pencipta dia marah sgt and he destroyed arca tu sbb die ase sgt terluka hati dgn kata2 arca tu... in one minute. Eventhough the creator ase sgt sedih sbb arca die tu dah terhapus, tp die ttp stay still, unharmed except hurt inside. Sbb die terlalu syg creation die tu... yg die bg everything she ever wanted.

So, bygkan lah people, its not just about boneka or arca. Its also about us the human... betapa sometime ungrateful we are of Allah... we should obey ALLAH and respect the rules been made. Make ALLAH happy with us, not mad at what we did. ALLAH loves us soooo much. Gives us everything we need. Generously gives us to live and fulfill everything and grant us the best for us in our life even sometime we never know that. Or actually deep inside we know it, just hard to admit it. Bayangkan betapa kata2 kite setiap hari tu mcm mane... have we ever thought of ALLAH in our daily life, even for one minute??? selain waktu solat... seriously... have we??? have we miss ALLAH?... miss Rasulullah??? have we??? ask ourself that question once... I am sure we all will be staggered to answer... ALLAH kalau die nak ambik kite, nak tarik nyawa kite... kejap je... bile2 mase je... don't we ever forgot that... sebab mengingati mati, adalah sebab kenapa kite masih terus hidup dan bernafas dibumi ALLAH ni setiap hari...

Keadilan Dunia buat aku terfikir... manusia x pernah rasa puas dan cukup dgn ape yg mereka ada... sedangkan ALLAH tu Maha Adil dan bagi ape yg kite perlukan sbb DIA terlalu cintakan kita... SUBHANALLAH... so teater dari kuo ni mmg buat aku termenung jap... thats all I can share peeps... yg lain tu maybe not worth sharing 4 so now.. until the next entry...

My last word is... drama is the spices of your life, not the whole point it is about =) 

Feel like a total jerk and selfish... :-(

Assalamualaikum and 
salam sejahtera everyone...

dalam hidup kita x pernah sunyi dari diuji, x pernah sunyi dari rase down, hopeless, useless... and sometime... kite akan rase... we are total ass or useless or total jerk... a douche bag... ok more like it... whatever...

harini aku rase camtu, basically sbb kawan2 aku yg telah siapkan surat utk aku and aku tggal sign je... so sgt ase cam dah susahkan diorg sedangkan diorg pun ade benda lain gak nk handle... regret jgk la sbb explosive sgt skrg ni... ermmmm … ^_^”... tq so much tau korg due org...

so, psl feskab... dah ade org ganti... its ok since that is for the best... and I think everything else ok la kot... musim2 gini mmg dah terbiase everything jadi sgt annoying but still, the concern is there and aku pun dah fhm... so x jadi issue la kan...

lastly, td lepas je break fasting session, my abah called... tp kejap jelah then aku kol balik... borak punya borak la... even x tau nk ckp pasal ape sgt kan... but, I could tell he miss me and I do miss him too... well, that will not been totally true coz I have been so selfish lately... with everyone I guess? Erm x tau lah... maybe itu ape yg aku rase je or maybe part of it was true...

when was the last time I call abah? I can't even remember... how bad right? Kalau smpai x egt tu aku ase lama jgk tu... well, thats the selfish I was talking to you about... I was thinking of me and don't even realise these things... I mean, I do think about him, tp kdg2 nak call tu asyik lupe la, tgguh la... x sempat la... xde masa la... dulu I used to criticise iklan pasal ni coz I thought x logik kot bile kata xde masa utk parents sendiri... now I am one of them... which I dun wanna be like them at all... I wanna be with my abah whenever he needs me... but somehow somewhat, sometime I failed to do that...

and arini after 10 days aku x call abah... *finally egt sbb tgk diary... * and bercadang nak call... rupanya abah yg call aku dulu... selepas borak2... aku pun tanya... ada ape td abah? (mane la tau kot2 ade benda penting ke kan) pastu abah just cakap... “xdelah saje telipon, dah lame x telipon” serius, sentap... rase mcm baru bgun tdo dgr ayat abah tu... ermmmm … ni lah first time mmg aku drag lama gile x call abah... kalau x dlm seminggu tu mesti ade... and dlm sebok2 uruskan byk benda... aku dah abaikan tggungjwb yg satu ni... sedih... :(

yg lain2 pun xde balik, erm kalau ade balik pun bkn nk g dok jmpe abah pun kan... wth la kan... mls ambik tau dah sal diorg...

semoga lps ni aku x lupe lg... and semoga lps ni aku x sesengal ni lg la kan... semoga lps ni sebarang tanggungjawab boleh aku laksanakan dgn baik...amin... ya rabbal alamin...

the song i dedicated for my abah... :)

Trouble Is A Friend ... Stress out sgt2!!!

Assalamualaikum and hye uolls...

exactly, entry aku harini pasal problem...

I mean everyone ade problem masing2 right?

I guess today is just another bad day that occur

just, dah lama since aku betul2 distracted and bad mood

yg bebetul down... crushed sgt2...

truthfully aku just ase down

penat, letih and stress dgn semua bende sekeliling aku ni

macam terlalu byk sgt yg aku nk kena uruskan

walhal aku ase mcm xde la full sgt pun...

just penuh dgn kehulu kehilir

isi borang and buat surat...

it seems like so easy, but I am so tired...

kdg2 tu penat sbb ade perjumpaan

tp mcm xde pape sgt pun lebih kpda hang out je

kalau aku keep bz... aku leh je steady,

tp bile everything tu mcm saje nak

dibuat sambil lewa, aku jadi cam...

WHATEVER LA KAN...

and kalau mcm keje berkumpulan tu...

x boleh ke kalau duduk sama2 and buat sama2?

Baru boleh buat dgn baik drpd wat individually kan...

and jgn la hrp and depend kat sorg je utk buat semua...

truthfully aku sgt penat

and aku payah nak berhenti fikir skrg...

even dlm mimpi and tido pun aku still nmpk berfikir lg...

stress kot... byk bende nak kena handle and organise....

okeh, ABADI...

enjoy buat keje but sometime x nmpk sistematik kitorg ramai2 tu

so nak bebetul dedicate pun cam sadis sket la...

hope leh improve g la pasni...

PTU and Singapore

masih bz dgn everything going on...

kdg2 bende tu x complicated tp sgja di complicated kan...

study ok just aku risau tertinggal and sdg catch up

so far it is fine... really want that DL!!! amin...

yg aku risau pasal financial...

yuran cmne beb? Erm =_=”

PTPTN – huh, berhenti berharap... x caye jppel dah...

KPTM – If lucky, second year...

YAYASAN NEGERI – sem 3 kot... since all thay need of me is my husband name... baru boleh luluskan.... (x lahir n9 or parents xde kat n9 x leh mohon)

and now aku juz leh rely on p.zakat ukm and yg pgetua pggil tu je... sedih gile aku rase kot... I mean, aku x kan mintak kat belah ub... never kat diorg... I rather be starve or dead... seriously...

yep, memang aku ego tanak mintak tolong diorg... tp aku ade sebab kukuh kan...? at least they give me one... or gave me enough reason not to do so... well, aku kalau boleh tanak susahkan abah aku kan... ase cam nak mintak duit kat die pun berat je,...

the last one but never the least... I am sure sume org yg sdg lalui fasa mcm aku akan rasa semua ni.. I mean, those who are future wed... ok,here's the thing. Aku jenis ssh beralah... but with him, aku sgt senang mengalah dlm everything and most of the time aku akan setuju je dgn die... UNLESS benda tu mmg x boleh agree langsung... and however, today aku cam trap in this thinking prhase... am I doing such a lot of tolerence already? I mean, aku tau both of us did... its just arini aku mcm “ok,u know what, i've done enough toleration with things” that TOLERATE word isn't just the plain word you say without action anyway...

aku jadi mcm ni because terlalu byk perubahan disana sini dan secara jujur, serius, AKU PENAT... ok, dari segi tarikh berubah … fine, aku tolerate, masa berubah, fine aku tolerate, LAGI SEKALI... but benda ni bukan boleh ambik ringan and pndg sebelah mata... serious aku x leh nak handle bende ni sorg2... byk bnda nk kena buat and it is as if mase tu byk sgt je lg...

our big day is just another 3 months and half... and lots of things need to be done before that... a lot of preparation... sume org tgh concern about this... and so do we, people... its just that we need to organise it very well... well, wedding don't just happened in ur life right? Its not everyday... it is once in your life,.. time... ever... my point is, me and my family tolerate psal bnda2 ni and aku fhm, family die pun... cuma dlm menguruskan bnda ni x boleh la nak beratkan and nk pk kan sebelah pihak je... it is obviously not fair... mmg dua2 sacrifice a lot, its just we need to be more stronger and understanding with both parties here... hopefully everything will be well after this...

aku kesian dgn family aku, I really love them, even they are not the one who raise me... before, but they are the one who raise me now... at least raise my strength to be strong enough now... so aku sendiri rase ralat and terkilan.. x pernah dibenarkan balik sana... but now aku balik dgn kemahuan sendiri, becoz that is my family and I am proud of it... and now when I am getting married, all of sudden aku cam rely on them,. Yes mmg tggjwb diorg but aku tanak la susahkan diorg... at least aku nk buat sama2... not just lepas tgn and just dtg je masa wedding tu tanpa buat ape2.. but that exactly what will happen, so mmg la aku rase uneasy..

aku balik sana, bukan hanya sebab nak mintak restu utk our wedding, eventhough that is one of the reason... but not the huge or main reason... my main reason is aku nak tebus balik masa2 yg aku terlepas dgn family aku dulu... 20 years is a long time... so, I wanna be there 4 them in times of they need me, as much as they have been 4 me all of this years... I really miss them right now... so much...

so people, sebelum aku teary eye disini... eloklah aku undur diri dulu, nk buat revision sket and aku nak release jap stress... maybe just listen to some kind of music whatsoever... goodnight everyone,... wassalam... tq 4 reading... :)

This things is no joke everyone!

Assalamualaikum & salam sejahtera semua =)

so, lately aku x byk sgt menulis...

or even menaip utk entry blog...

pandai2 cari mase la utk entry baru 4 diary and blog...

Anyway, hari ni kita terus masuk cerita2 penting k... almost unbelievable, I am incredibly busy with things around here. I mean, masuk2 je sem 2 dgn result 3.39 pointer with 4 a and 2 b aku agak teruja even if aku ase agak tercabar dgn result aku sendiri. For this second semester I promise myself to do even more better than that marks... hopefully I can do it... amin. Ade la few of my friends who get it through the dean list... I really want to accomplish that level too. At least dpt gak rase kepuasan dgn ape yg kita study kan... this semester I am taking 6 subject with 16 credit hours and doing 3 mega project basically.

Seronok masuk sem 2 becoz kite mcm dah tau ape nak buat, mane nak g. wlpn belum familiar sgt or habes discover ukm ni lg, but at least aku cam fhm sket how the system work out. So at least jd cam seronok sket la sem ni. Teruja utk everything... so far kelas mmg seronok sgt and wlpn penat dgn mcm2 aktiviti, aku masih enjoy campus life ni. Cume satu jelah... sikap penat and xde stamina tu kdg2 sgt melampau je. Tp hopefully I can overcome la kan...

Ko-K... aku sedang handle 3 projek mega. Ketiga tiga projek ni aku adalah sebagai cik setiausaha. First projek PTU 2012 (PEKAN TEATER UKM) – then projek Semarak ASEAN kat Singapore – then ABADI pulak on May + aku lak head of permanently tele-marketing crew. So korg mmg boleh bygkan kan mcm mana sibuknya aku dlm urusan seharian aku sem ni...

Last but not least, aku sdg uruskan byk benda 4 the big day of our life x lama lg... byk dokumen nk kena proses lg... bende2 nk kena booking lg... survey mcm2 lg... so dlm keseronokan plan tu aku jgk ase letih sket sbb pening sket nk uruskan byk bende kan... this wedding business people, is no kidding and no joke !

So everyone, just wait for the latest news of me... au revoir =)

Just a reminder among us...

Assalamualaikum wbt

salam sejahtera everyone... =)

harini entry aku adelah pasal 14 february...

kenapa aku rase nak je menulis hari ni?

Sbb 14 february or bulan february ni,

kalau bukak tv and flip every channel je

mesti cerita yg sweet2...

yes, that was ok and fine...

tp ape yg x ok nye bila mentaliti remaja kini tersasar

menyambut hari Valentine yg x sepatutnya tidak lg jadi issue.

Sbb dah sah2 dari dulu lagi telah pun di beritahu...

Valentine, hukum menyambutnya adalah HARAM

dan BERDOSA BESAR bagi orang Islam...

Bukan nak kata aku ni baik sgt la kan

I mean bercinta jgk tp ade lhg hari lain
yg boleh tunjukkan kasih syg

x semestinya hari ni kan...

everyday is a loving someone day...

nak share jgk... mase sekolah rendah dulu...

aku pernah kantoi gak la tulis kad Valentine...

khas utk crush aku... hahahaha :-p

bile ingat balik kelakar jgk ase nak gelak guling2 je...

walhal baru la darjah 6... geli kot!!! hahahaha

tp lepas tu aku ditegur and mula faham knapa

sambutan hari Valentine ni HARAM hukumnya...

so sejak darjah 6 tu... aku dah mula ignore je 14 february

walaupun aku masih ase sweet bile aku tgk movie...

tu kes lain ok, we did not celebrate so it is still fine kot...

cinta itu subjektif,peeps...

cinta yg hakiki kepada Allah S.W.T itu kan lebih baik dan agung???

cinta kepada baginda Rasullulah itukan lebih mulia???

adakah cinta lain yg lebih baik dari itu???

sehingga kita melanggar batas2 manusia?

lagi satu... for the information la...

ini die sebenarnya sejarah Valentine if ade lg yg x baca:

Saint Valentine's Day, often simply Valentine's Day,is a holiday observed on February 14 honoring one or more early Christian martyrs named Saint Valentine. It was first established by Pope Gelasius I in 496 AD, and was later deleted from the General Roman Calendar of saints in 1969 by Pope Paul VI. Today, it is celebrated in over 100 countries around the world, mostly of the Western society, although remaining a full workday for all of them.

The day first became associated with romantic love in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer in the High Middle Ages, when the tradition of courtly love flourished. By the 15th century, it had evolved into an occasion in which lovers expressed their love for each other by presenting flowers, offering confectionery, and sending greeting cards (known as "valentines").

Modern Valentine's Day symbols include the heart-shaped outline, doves, and the figure of the winged Cupid. Since the 19th century, handwritten valentines have given way to mass-producedgreeting cards.