Assalamualaikum and hye uolls...
exactly, entry aku harini pasal problem...
I mean everyone ade problem masing2 right?
I guess today is just another bad day that occur
just, dah lama since aku betul2 distracted and bad mood
yg bebetul down... crushed sgt2...
truthfully aku just ase down
penat, letih and stress dgn semua bende sekeliling aku ni
macam terlalu byk sgt yg aku nk kena uruskan
walhal aku ase mcm xde la full sgt pun...
just penuh dgn kehulu kehilir
isi borang and buat surat...
it seems like so easy, but I am so tired...
kdg2 tu penat sbb ade perjumpaan
tp mcm xde pape sgt pun lebih kpda hang out je
kalau aku keep bz... aku leh je steady,
tp bile everything tu mcm saje nak
dibuat sambil lewa, aku jadi cam...
WHATEVER LA KAN...
and kalau mcm keje berkumpulan tu...
x boleh ke kalau duduk sama2 and buat sama2?
Baru boleh buat dgn baik drpd wat individually kan...
and jgn la hrp and depend kat sorg je utk buat semua...
truthfully aku sgt penat
and aku payah nak berhenti fikir skrg...
even dlm mimpi and tido pun aku still nmpk berfikir lg...
stress kot... byk bende nak kena handle and organise....
okeh, ABADI...
enjoy buat keje but sometime x nmpk sistematik kitorg ramai2 tu
so nak bebetul dedicate pun cam sadis sket la...
hope leh improve g la pasni...
PTU and Singapore
masih bz dgn everything going on...
kdg2 bende tu x complicated tp sgja di complicated kan...
study ok just aku risau tertinggal and sdg catch up
so far it is fine... really want that DL!!! amin...
yg aku risau pasal financial...
yuran cmne beb? Erm =_=”
PTPTN – huh, berhenti berharap... x caye jppel dah...
KPTM – If lucky, second year...
YAYASAN NEGERI – sem 3 kot... since all thay need of me is my husband name... baru boleh luluskan.... (x lahir n9 or parents xde kat n9 x leh mohon)
and now aku juz leh rely on p.zakat ukm and yg pgetua pggil tu je... sedih gile aku rase kot... I mean, aku x kan mintak kat belah ub... never kat diorg... I rather be starve or dead... seriously...
yep, memang aku ego tanak mintak tolong diorg... tp aku ade sebab kukuh kan...? at least they give me one... or gave me enough reason not to do so... well, aku kalau boleh tanak susahkan abah aku kan... ase cam nak mintak duit kat die pun berat je,...
the last one but never the least... I am sure sume org yg sdg lalui fasa mcm aku akan rasa semua ni.. I mean, those who are future wed... ok,here's the thing. Aku jenis ssh beralah... but with him, aku sgt senang mengalah dlm everything and most of the time aku akan setuju je dgn die... UNLESS benda tu mmg x boleh agree langsung... and however, today aku cam trap in this thinking prhase... am I doing such a lot of tolerence already? I mean, aku tau both of us did... its just arini aku mcm “ok,u know what, i've done enough toleration with things” that TOLERATE word isn't just the plain word you say without action anyway...
aku jadi mcm ni because terlalu byk perubahan disana sini dan secara jujur, serius, AKU PENAT... ok, dari segi tarikh berubah … fine, aku tolerate, masa berubah, fine aku tolerate, LAGI SEKALI... but benda ni bukan boleh ambik ringan and pndg sebelah mata... serious aku x leh nak handle bende ni sorg2... byk bnda nk kena buat and it is as if mase tu byk sgt je lg...
our big day is just another 3 months and half... and lots of things need to be done before that... a lot of preparation... sume org tgh concern about this... and so do we, people... its just that we need to organise it very well... well, wedding don't just happened in ur life right? Its not everyday... it is once in your life,.. time... ever... my point is, me and my family tolerate psal bnda2 ni and aku fhm, family die pun... cuma dlm menguruskan bnda ni x boleh la nak beratkan and nk pk kan sebelah pihak je... it is obviously not fair... mmg dua2 sacrifice a lot, its just we need to be more stronger and understanding with both parties here... hopefully everything will be well after this...
aku kesian dgn family aku, I really love them, even they are not the one who raise me... before, but they are the one who raise me now... at least raise my strength to be strong enough now... so aku sendiri rase ralat and terkilan.. x pernah dibenarkan balik sana... but now aku balik dgn kemahuan sendiri, becoz that is my family and I am proud of it... and now when I am getting married, all of sudden aku cam rely on them,. Yes mmg tggjwb diorg but aku tanak la susahkan diorg... at least aku nk buat sama2... not just lepas tgn and just dtg je masa wedding tu tanpa buat ape2.. but that exactly what will happen, so mmg la aku rase uneasy..
aku balik sana, bukan hanya sebab nak mintak restu utk our wedding, eventhough that is one of the reason... but not the huge or main reason... my main reason is aku nak tebus balik masa2 yg aku terlepas dgn family aku dulu... 20 years is a long time... so, I wanna be there 4 them in times of they need me, as much as they have been 4 me all of this years... I really miss them right now... so much...
so people, sebelum aku teary eye disini... eloklah aku undur diri dulu, nk buat revision sket and aku nak release jap stress... maybe just listen to some kind of music whatsoever... goodnight everyone,... wassalam... tq 4 reading... :)
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