words are spinning in my head, dunno why i'm holding back...

Assalamualaikum and salam sejahtera...

Pouring my heart out on 3.50 am... soooo me! I can't stop these tears... I am soooo upset right now... really2 upset and I dunno what can I do to release it... so I wrote it as a way to let it out. Do you know the song entitled “key to my heart” by Jessica Jarrell.??? its a OST for The Back Up Plan... the one when J.Lo gets pregnant with a twin n fall in love with a farmer or the cheese maker * I can rephrase that... Anyway that song really describe my heart right now... Its just the way of me getting that feels out... ok for those who still don't know the song, here's the lyrics...

“boy you put me on the spot, I dunno what to say, but i'm trying anyway...

like my heart's gonna drop, my mind drift away, and I can't control the pain...

words are spinning in my head, dunno why i'm holding back...

I should juz tell you how i'm feeling..

but I dun wanna act a fool, dun wanna looked confuse,

if I let u know, about the way I feel, dunno what u gonna do...

so I keep it lock inside, and I imagine u were mine,

and i'm feeling u so close but yet so far...

you hold the key to my heart....

the more I brush it off, tell myself there's nothing at all,

deeper I fall...

and I imagine everyday, in thousands different way,

how u respond to what I say...

am I getting lost in my dreams? Are u unreachable to me?

Coz this butterflies just wont go away...

but if I never tell u then u'll never know,

and this secret is getting heavy to hold...

this is more than just a crushed...

so I may statter when I speak, and my knees will get a little weak,

but i've got nothing to lose and only u to gain...

tell me do u feel the same???”

then all the chorus repeat activity...

I dont like to hold it all inside... coz I have seen what it did to me before... I dun even know why should I be so upset... but I really am! I should not be mad or feel annoyed... but I did feel that right now! Really, seriously... :( I just dunno how to say it or to express it... I just don't... I wish it could settle just like that. Or blow in the thin air... so I wont feel this pain anymore...

everything doing just ok with everything else... but this? DISASTER! This is not what I am supposed to feel... but, yes, I am just a normal human... I can't help feeling offended and sensitive about some stuff... right? Sometimes our rational tell us different things and our heart are the opposite... I tried to be supportive...i really did... but somehow... in some times and moment...i just can't! I can't think of the relevant and sincere in what i'm doing...

feels like I am lost in a whole and I can't get out of it... its about priority... and I am not gonna lie, I am so dissapointed... truly are! from the bottom of my heart, deep inside... I seriously felt dissapointed... its hard to expain it in words, but,... I am hurt enough :(

but how do I???